This is a totally unedited stream of consciousness writing. I want to leave it this way because it reflects the raw thoughts that come through me. I hope it makes sense. Enjoy!
So it’s been three weeks since the release of Dirt and Bone. So many feelings and thoughts have raced through my head during this time. Thoughts about where we’re at, Where I’m at, where I wish to be, the return to the state I was in as a kid. The conflict, the war, the division, all of it. On a more personal level the decisions and sacrifices I’ve made to pursue what seems like an impossible career in music. Questions arise – did I make the right decisions? What can I expect? Am I just crazy for doing this?
Dirt and Bone has done more to help me focus on what’s important to me which is the return to a spirit I knew growing up as a kid. When I wrote the song, it totally felt different. It felt like a message was coming with it. Something I haven’t felt quite so deeply with the other songs I’ve done over the last several years. I think the message has simply been “come back to who you are and live your truth.”
There’s a raw honesty in this message to get me to commit to something that isn’t necessarily embraced by this world, which is to return to stand on my own spiritual ground. When I was growing up, I knew there was so much more to being human than what I was seeing in things like the pursuit of acquisitions. To live more wholeheartedly from a place of empathy, kindness and love of the ground I live on were things that were most important to me. I felt myself surrounded by this protective energy that somehow shielded me from the external demands for long enough to explore and discover my gifts of music making. This in turn, allowed me to stay in direct connection with my truth. As I came of age, this connection was systematically eroded until it was nearly gone. I felt lost until I made the leap into making music for a living eight and half years ago. It was a HUGE, scary and necessary leap from the comfort of what I knew into the discomfort of the uncertain. Life hasn’t been the same since. It’s been hard, victorious, full of fire and ice and so many amazing people who have held and supported me through all of it. And now, I feel this coming full circle back to that same spirit I felt as a kid. It’s a return of those ancestors that surrounded me back then.
Are these things earth shattering or here to save the world? No. But they have served to help me see myself in a different light. To see myself as the kind of artist who stands for the love of this planet, a deep belief in humanity and the belief that we can be so much more than what we’ve allowed ourselves to be. I have no clue where any of this will lead but I remain open to the journey. I’m sure it will continue to be full of potholes and speedbumpos but it will also be full of the support of amazing people and the spirit of being. There’s nowhere else to go but up from here.
Take care all and sending much loe,
Pam